Understanding the best times to get married is crucial. Islam is not just a religion but a complete way of life. It provides guidance on every aspect of life, from beginning to end, including marriage. Marriage is a key part of our lives, particularly in the “Family and Relationship” category of Life Balance. Without marriage, life lacks peace and fulfillment. Islam offers guidance on the best times to marry. In this article, we will cover everything about the best times to get married according to the Quran and Hadith.
Before we discuss the best times to get married, we need to understand the intention of marriage in life. This understanding will make it easier to determine the best times for marriage. The table of contents outlines what has been covered in this article, so you can navigate directly to specific sections if you prefer.
What is the Intention of Marriage?
Marriage is the Sunnah of all Prophets of Allah (SWT). In Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:38, Allah (SWT) said to the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), ‘We have sent messengers before you and given them wives and children.‘ This means that just like previous messengers, you too are given these familial relationships, emphasizing that having a family is a common and relatable aspect of the messengers’ lives
In the Quran, Allah Subhanahu Wa Tayala (SWT) said “Marry women of your choice.” (An-Nisa 4:3)
Narrated Anas bin Malik: A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asking how the Prophet (ﷺ) worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, “Where are we from the Prophet (ﷺ) as his past and future sins have been forgiven.” Then one of them said, “I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever.” The other said, “I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast.” The third said, “I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and said, “Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers). [Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5063]
“And marry those among you who are single and the righteous among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. Allah is Bountiful, All-Knowing.” (Surah An-Nur, 24:32)
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.” [Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5066]
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “When a servant marries, he has completed half of his religion. So, he should fear Allah regarding the remaining half.” (Bayhaqi’s Shu’ab al-Iman, Sahih al-Jami’ 430)
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will boast of your great numbers before the other nations on the Day of Resurrection.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1845)
Allah (SWT) said – “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
- Marriage is a practice of all Prophets, except a few.
- Marriage completes half of our faith.
- Marriage keeps us away from sinful relationships and helps maintain good character.
- Marriage brings peace and comfort.
- Marriage helps grow our Ummah (community).
- Marriage is the foundation for building a family.
What is the Best Times to Get Married?
Islam encourages early marriage but doesn’t make it mandatory, showing that it is a religion of fitrah (natural disposition). The beauty of Islam lies in its guidance, like promoting early marriage, which aligns with our natural needs.
Dr. Ali Al-Tantawi (رحمه الله) said:
“The world is in great confusion about the proper age for marriage. Many parents often say, in a tone of caution, ‘The boy or girl is not yet old enough to get married. Let’s wait a few more years. Let them reach a certain level of education or secure a job. Otherwise, how will they survive after marriage? How will they support a spouse? Moreover, if they marry before finishing their studies, how will they face society?’ These kinds of questions have been prevalent in our society for a long time.
The United Nations has set the age of adulthood for both boys and girls at eighteen. Before that, everyone is considered a child. Therefore, according to so-called international law, it is not permissible to marry a girl before the age of eighteen. But in reality, how reasonable is this age determination by the United Nations? The appropriate age for marriage is the day you first fully realize your maturity.
Not everything requires evidence and proof. Setting the age for marriage is not something that needs evidence either. Some say the age for marriage is thirty. Others believe it is forty.
If it aligns with the fitrah (natural disposition) upon which Allah created humans, then marrying at that time is beneficial for both the individual and society. To understand my response better, let me provide some context.
Remember that Allah has created humans with two natural qualities. One is the instinct to preserve life, which is why we feel hunger. The second is the instinct to preserve the human race, which drives the continuation of generations. If one of these instincts is proven to be correct, the other should also be accepted as correct.
Now, let me ask you, when do people eat? You will undoubtedly answer, ‘When they feel hungry, or when they desire food.’ Based on this answer, I will say that the appropriate age for marriage is when a person feels the urge to fulfill their biological desires or when they experience the need to satisfy their sexual desires. Marriage should take place when you feel desire, when your hidden desires are awakened—meaning when manhood or womanhood comes.
The average age for this can be considered around eighteen years.
You may ask, ‘What if, even after reaching this age, one does not have enough money to marry? What should be done then?’ I would say, a hungry person without money does what he must—he waits patiently until food is available. You might say, ‘If the hungry person cannot wait and finds someone else’s food in front of him, and steals it, thus engaging in something unlawful, what should we do then?’ Every society provides food for the hungry to prevent them from resorting to theft or any crime. If, for some reason, society cannot provide food and fears theft from them, then it is the duty of the general public to protect their property and wealth. Now, if you say that their theft is both permissible because society deprived them of food and impermissible because they touched something protected by others, the same applies to the matter of marriage.”
Delaying Marriage: A Mistaken Idea
These days, young men and women often think about their careers and delay getting married. This idea is mostly wrong. A woman’s best time to have children is between 17 and 24 years old. If she marries at 30, she spends her best childbearing years unmarried.
For men, sexual desire is highest between 20 and 28 years old. Marrying during this time makes it easier to have children. But now, most educated men are marrying after 30. After 30, sexual desire and the ability to have children start to decrease. So, during the time when men have the strongest desire, they remain unmarried.
In Islam, sex before marriage is not allowed. However, in many non-Muslim countries, even if people don’t marry before 30, they still fulfill their physical needs and enjoy life because they are free to have sexual relationships before marriage. But because of our religious and cultural values, we usually don’t have physical relations before marriage. This means our young people stay unmarried during an important part of their lives, avoiding physical relationships. By the time they marry, their physical desires and feelings start to weaken. As a result, they miss out on the time when they could enjoy life the most.
Other Problems of Delaying Marriage:
- Lower chances of having children.
- Higher risk of having a child with disabilities.
- More chances of miscarriage and baby death.
- Higher risk of breast cancer in mothers.
- More chances of extramarital affairs.
- Greater risk of divorce.
- Islam encourages early marriage but does not make it mandatory, aligning with natural human instincts.
- The proper age for marriage is when one feels maturity, both biologically and emotionally.
- Delaying marriage due to career or education is often mistaken, as it can lead to missed opportunities during the prime years for childbearing and family life.
- For women, the best childbearing years are between 17 and 24.
- For men, the strongest sexual desire and fertility are between 20 and 28.
- Delaying marriage can result in lower chances of having children, increased risks of miscarriage and birth defects, and potential health issues like breast cancer.
- Waiting to marry can also lead to a greater risk of extramarital affairs and divorce, as well as missed opportunities to fully enjoy life during youth.
In conclusion, I suggest getting married as soon as possible to lead a happy life. Islam advises us to live a balanced life, which contributes to overall life balance. If you are not yet fully prepared for marriage, start preparing as soon as possible with the goal of getting married within one or two years. InshaAllah, Allah will make our lives fulfilling. In the next article, we will cover four steps of preparation for marriage, supported by Islamic teachings.
